Bedtime

At the end of the day I am usually more than ready to be done as "mom." I would love to check out and do my own thing for a while. I just have not been able to let go of a certain ritual. The bedtime tuck-in. I know I could probably get lots more done if I would just tell them goodnight after family prayer, but they really love that I visit with each of them one-on-one before they go to sleep.

Last night I started with my 8-year-old daughter. She was gathering her blankies (all five of them) and had them arranged around her in her bed. She was singing "High on a hill was a lonely goatherd, ladee odel ladee odelayeeooo" from the Sound of Music. I had heard this song the entire day. It is one she is learning for her choir concert coming up. I told her it was a beautiful song, but that it was now time for sleeping. She smiled. I kissed her goodnight and turned off her lights.

Next I went next door to my little boys' room, ages 8 and 4. The oldest was up on his top bunk ready to be tucked and my youngest was sitting in a rocking chair waiting for a bedtime story. I said, "Sweetie, Mommy is tired. Don't you think we could just rock for a while?" I turned off the lights and held him on my lap with his "Blue Blankie"--a prized possession that is definitely part of the cuddle/bedtime ritual. He sat up with his arms folded and announced, "I am going to stay up all night, Mama. Cuz I didn't get a bedtime story." I bit my lip, trying not to laugh at this young person's determination and strong will. Where did he get this fierce stubbornness? Hopefully it will serve him well in his life.

Knowing full well that he might just stay up all night and that the night before I had promised him this certain story the following night, I had to cave. Luckily I had enough light from the hallway that I was able to read pretty well all about Dr. Seuss' Cat in the Hat. Immediately following the story he stretched out across my lap and fell asleep. I held him a few minutes more, gently squeezing his chubby little hand and then layed him in his bed and covered him up. I climbed up the ladder to the bunk bed and kissed my 8-year-old son on the top of the head. He was nearly asleep and gave me a drowsy smile.

Next I went into my 11-year-old daughter's room. She was already kneeling my her bedside. I asked her if I could listen to her prayer and she said yes. She said a very sweet prayer and then climbed into her bed. She had just finished practicing before bedtime and announced to me, "Mom, I did 2 hours and 12 minutes on the piano today!" I told her how proud I was of her and the way she was keeping her commitment to practice. She really has overcome some hard challenges and we rejoiced together at her success. I remembered how not very long ago she would cry with me at bedtime at how hard piano was for her. As I bent over to kiss her forehead and give her a hug (always the exact same routine, every night) I felt of her goodness and sweetness. We relished that sweet moment together and I said "Good night, see you in the morning...I love you." I turned off the light, turned on her overhead fan, and made sure the door was open the way she likes it and walked out. Always the same. I think it brings her comfort and security to have everything about the bedtime ritual the same from night to night.

Next I went into my 14-year-old's room. He was reading a mystery with papers and books scattered all over his desk and bed. He looked up and handed over the book. "I know, Mom, I should be reading for school." I took the book and moved over some of the papers on his bed so that I could sit down. I asked him if he remembered his commitments for this week. He said, "Yes" and found his scriptures under his stack of papers on the desk. He opened them up and we read together for a few minutes. Then he counted up the hours he had spent on each subject and wrote them down. We opened his planner and he wrote what he wanted to accomplish the next day. After his prayer he asked if he could have a few more minutes to write. Knowing that this was also one of his commitments for his writing class, I gave him the go ahead. As I was walking out the door, he said, "Mom, couldn't you just stay a few more minutes?"

I paused, knowing that I was approaching a whole new level of tired and said, "Sweetie, I love you and I love being with you. But, I have to take care of myself now, especially if you want a nice and loving mom in the morning. It's time for me to go." I gave him a hug and kissed the top of his head. He held on to my hand for a few moments. I squeezed his hand and smiled at him. He let go and we said good night.

As I was slowly walking down the stairs, I realized what a gift it is to be able to take those few minutes with each child at bedtime. I thought about all of the mistakes I make, all of the running around I do during the day, and all of the ways that I probably send the wrong message. I am so glad that I take the time to make things right at bedtime, to tell them I love them, and to give them that sense of security that they need. I went to bed last night totally wiped out, but at the same time grateful and feeling so fulfilled.